


We could have had it all

by Alenacantfly



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, S1E13, episode coda, hurt!raphael, raphael's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 16:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6477028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alenacantfly/pseuds/Alenacantfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I am disappointed in you.”</p><p>Disappointed didn't even begin to cover what Raphael was feeling, but there were more pressing matters at hand. He needed to protect his clan, protect his family and goddamnit-</p><p>That's all he ever wanted. He warned Simon how dangerous Camille was. And that stupid fledgling turned around and betrayed him, betrayed his clan, put all of their lives at stake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We could have had it all

“I am disappointed in you.”

Disappointed didn't even begin to cover what Raphael was feeling, but there were more pressing matters at hand. He needed to protect his clan, protect his family and goddamnit-

That's all he ever wanted. He warned Simon how dangerous Camille was. And that stupid fledgling turned around and betrayed him, betrayed his clan, put all of their lives at stake.

He was disappointed in himself. He let himself get weak. He trusted him. Hell, Simon borrowed his jackets! Raphael shuddered and had to take a deep breath as he thought back to their training, thought about all the times he let Simon gain the upper hand, offered his neck in submission-

He, oh dios mio, he had submitted to Simon. Just once. Very briefly. He doesn't think Simon even noticed, but there had been one night where the fledgling had surprised him, caught him off guard and suddenly he had been on the ground, Simon pinning him down. The weight on top of him somehow reassuring and he had-

The training lesson had come to an abrupt end. Now there wouldn't be any more lessons. There wouldn't be any more Simon. Raphael took another deep breath.

“Simon betrayed us.” He prayed that his voice wasn't shaking and stalked forward. “Just like Camille did. They deserve the same fate.” 

Simon avoided his gaze, almost as if he was ashamed. 

Good. He should be.

“Kill them!”, Raphael ordered, his heart clenching painfully. He was already dead, but he felt as if his heart was breaking.

He had to do this, had to protect his clan, his family. He had to maintain the order. There was no other way.

Raphael was immortal. He doubted that one more death would make a difference. He had seen so much death already. Simon would soon be a distant memory.

“Liar”, a tiny voice whispered. “There are some you just don't forget.” The voice sounded disturbingly like Magnus and Raphael did what he was best at and ignored the advice of the warlock.

Simon bared his fangs, his eyes wide with fear and panic. Something ugly and pathetic stirred in Raphael's chest. 

He was almost relieved when the wall burst and sunlight streamed in, saving Simon from the clan, from Raphael.

The Lightwood girl walked in and Raphael was unable to do anything but watch as they walked away. As Simon walked away from his home, his clan, his family. His-

Raphael. His Raphael. But what was Raphael to Simon? He had seen the way he looks at Clary, had seen what Simon was willing to do for her.

Raphael wasn't anything to Simon.

His heart stuttered in his chest and Raphael suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe, which was stupid. He was dead. Dead.

He couldn't feel those things. Shouldn't. 

Maybe Camille had been right about some things.

Idiota, he cursed himself. There was a reason immortal beings shouldn't fall in love.

**Author's Note:**

> This title explains my feelings perfectly. I am not okay. I thought we would have more time with these two (I know Sizzy is endgame in the books, ssshhh)
> 
>  
> 
> [ You can find me on Tumblr ](http://sterekruinedme.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
